People spotting at a concert.

Listing again.

For a second let’s pretend this is a book you’re starting to read and on the first page is written,

‘This list is dedicated to my dear friend who just got out of his hiding. Welcome back!’

So, I’ve attended a couple of concerts recently and plan to attend more in the near future not because of my sheer love for music but because of the kind of people I come across. Everybody at a concert loves music, looks their best and probably is high on something or the other but there are some who stand out in that massive crowd. Just going to list down a few.

1. The DJ: Of course. It’s his moment of fame. His time. His gig. His music. His wanna be dressing style and his rules. But you’ve got to love the DJ for he calls all the pretty gals from in the front row or on the shoulder to the stage. Moment of glory for them, I guess? And eye candy for the rest of the crowd.

2. The official cameramen: People you will generally see roaming around geared with fancy cameras and making the crowd look beautiful. Poor kids, attend the gig and yet can’t enjoy the gig.

3. The Regulars: These are the kids who can afford to go to every gig in the town/ country. “OMG! This DJ who I know only one song of, is coming to perform in our city? Must. Go. Mom! Give me your credit card details please!”

4. The bouncers: Black body hugging T-shirt that highlights their man-boobs is the typical attire of any bouncer in any gig. Don’t even try smiling at these guys cause a response will be, “Kid, you’re doing drugs?” Yes. I’m doing drugs cause you know, I’m not allowed to be happy otherwise.

5. The kids: No matter how old you are you will see someone younger than you. This is again one of those ‘rich kids who trick their parents into buying the tickets for them case’ or wait.. isn’t their pocket money grand enough to afford a gig? Yes, I’m sure it’s the latter. Just btw, I’m not jealous of you, you 13 year old! Hymph!

6. The uncle and aunty: I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve always noticed one old couple who doesn’t look like they know shit about the DJ and still come for the gig for I don’t know what. Not like, “Arre, mere bete ka gig hai, chalo free mein time pass kar aayein!” Cause obviously the DJ isn’t Indian. Strangely I’ve seen them only entering and leaving the gig, what happens during the gig neither do I know nor do I want to.

7. *Click*Click*Click* Types: This is one group that you can’t understand. They pay the same amount for the gig but all they do throughout the gig is, “Excuse me, can you please click a picture of me? With the DJ in the background. With that light. With things that I don’t really care about but need to click cause how else will I update my social media?” I don’t care if you click, at least don’t spoil the gig for me?
There are also those who practically record the entire gig on their phones. How many WhatsApp videos do you plan to broadcast, dude?

8. The hotties and the behenjis: There HAS TO be a considerable amount of chicks in a gig that fall in these categories. The hotties that hardly dance and end up becoming the eye candy material for the guys and the behenjis who wear stuff that I wouldn’t even wear at home.

9. Yawn OK Please: These guys are underslept or over worked or something cause all you see them doing is walking around with a bigass yawn. Now it would be harmless if it were not contagious. But you don’t want to dance at your favourite DJs’ tunes showing the entire world the inside of your mouth, do you?

10. Koi Kahe Kehta Rahe types: No matter who is DJ is, these guys are so dedicated to their own beloved favourite Bollywood steps like the Koi Kahe Kehta Rahe that they will only dance to that and embarrass India.

11. The Campfire Crowd: And then there’s the campfire. Slippers, shoes, bags, cellphones and every other possession is dumped in the center and the group begins to dance around it. Forget about the fact that the rest of the crowd doesn’t even have enough space to stand, these guys dance like it’s nobody’s business.

12. I HAVE TAKEN A NIGHT OUT AND I HAVE TO GET WASTED: Kids. Again. Sigh. Get drunk. (I’m not sure if their capacity is low or some massive pre gaming scenes) These kids act all drunk tripping and falling on them male classmates and then grinding and kissing their lust out. And I’m just like, go do this homework at one of your houses and save us the nightmare!

13. On the shoulder: When pretty skinny women get on shoulders of cute muscular guys, it’s eye candy for both the genders. But when a frail guy gets on the shoulder of a fat guy, bro, go home, you’re drunk.

14. Bucket guys: These guys buy exactly one bucket of alcohol, cause expensive, and roam around for three hours with it. Not only that, but they walk around with it ultimately ending up spilling more than drinking. On our clothes. And then flaunt capacity by mentioning, “Pura bucket down kiya phir bhi kuchh nahi hua!”

15. Creepy guys: Is any concert ever complete without this bunch? No. They stare. And stare. And stare. And stare.

*Still staring*

What kind are you?