Statutory Warning: Everything said in this post is all in good humor. I am a Gujarati girl myself.
So my list making continues to an extent where I’ve started bitching about my own people. Yes, all of you are my own people cause I’m a human and you are humans and all that but Gujaratis are MY PEOPLE.
I’ve grown up mostly around Gujju boys so didn’t really realize how funny they could be until I spent time with a lot of non-Gujjus.
So here’s a list of why one shouldn’t date a Gujju boy.
15. In most probability the Gujju boy will be a vegetarian. Even if he pretends to eat/lick the non-veg food that you offer, he’ll not tell his parents about it and his excuse will be that he’s just doing that to ‘fit in’. (I’m a vegetarian.)
14. Gujju boy will not be very educated but he’ll obviously be great with money. Even if he sucks at math he’ll count your notes like a pro. You don’t want to date a ‘Note Counting Machine’.
13. He has very few options in mind post college. He would either want to join the diamond market, start dealing in shares, open a small stationery/ general store shop or get into some chill job in the film industry. Less work, more money, you see?
12. He comes with baggage. Literally. His paunch.
11. He has a bald patch. If he doesn’t have it already, he will eventually get it.
10. He’ll expect you to cook. ‘Darling, please make me hot rotis with this vegetable?’ Sigh. Go ask your mom to pamper you, please?
9. His shirt has all sorts of gross patterns stitched on them. Flowers and ‘mehendi designs’ are all nicely embroidered on his wacky loud shirts. If they’re plain do expect them to be of some hideous shade.
8. He cannot dance at a party. You’ll spot him either standing at one corner having Coca Cola or doing Dandiya right in the center of the club. You’ll also periodically see him do his classy neck movements when he shakes a leg.
7. Food is his ultimate priority. He cannot travel anywhere without carrying a packet of something cooked at home. ‘Thepla’ and pickle will be his priority though.
6. Some men like it when you can sing/ dance, some like it when you go all dirty on him. He’ll LOVE you if you can cook him nice ‘undhiyu’. (It’s a mix vegetable dish, in case y’all are wondering.)
5. He cannot talk in proper English. He just cannot. Either his language sucks or the way he writes/types. There’ll rarely be a Gujju boy who’ll sweep you off your feet with his words.
4. He can’t come up with smart comebacks. The internet is ruling the minds but the Gujju won’t come out of his calculator. He won’t know how Twitter functions, he won’t get the reason why one shouldn’t like their own status/ picture or even how you should respond to a certain joke.
Friend: Knock knock!
Gujju Boy: What? You’re stupid or what?
3. He’s a die-hard cricket follower. So much that it gets annoying. But of course, if he won’t watch, how will he bet on the teams with his friends?
2. He uses Sampoo and not shampoo. He won’t even know what a conditioner would be good for. Though he obviously will have it in his bathroom.
1. If he gets into a bar fight, no one will take him seriously once he decides to abuse. When you hear stuff like ‘aye vaydo!’, ‘vaaghri’ or ‘chaaplo’, you won’t go all, ‘What the hell did you just say?’, you’ll just go, ‘Hahahahahahaha! Acha bhai sorry, okay?’